Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Weight Just a Second!

Someone broke my scale.

Well, either that, or Tulsa has somehow shifted closer to sea level. I wholeheartedly believe that someone sneaked into my house and broke my scale. I called the police to file a report but the operator hung up on me. She murmured something about putting the twinkie down....I'm not entirely sure though.
(Mom, notice how I used the word "sneaked"? That was just for you. See, I do listen to you! Mwah!)

Here's the deal. Although I'd love to blame my scale, an obvious slide closer to sea level, or even a shift in lunar alignment (I'm not even sure what that means), the truth of the matter is that a mysterious 8 pounds have found their way onto my scale. Seriously. It's gotta be broke, right?

I know what you're going to say and honestly if you say it I might throw something at you. They include any of the following:
"It's muscle! Everyone knows muscles weighs more than fat!"
"Oh heavens Macey, nobody really looks like those supermodels on magazine covers."
"Macey, you're perfect the way God made you."
"Well, I can't tell!"
"Are you pregnant?"

First of all, no, I'm not pregnant. (Geesh, it's just 8 pounds guys, but now you think I LOOK pregnant? Thanks.) I am tempted to throw things when I hear those comments because heck, I don't WANT to look like a supermodel. Surviving on a cracker and 7 almonds for the entire day? No thank you! I KNOW that fat weighs more than muscle. Sorry, but I don't really care if you can tell or not. I can tell. And since the scale just groaned as I stepped onto it, that, my friends, does not make me happy. I also am well aware that I am perfect in God's eyes, but that's not really true if I'm not treating my body as his holy temple. The question is am I?

Truth be told I want to be healthy! I want to make healthy choices for myself and my family so that we can be the best us that we can be! I know, from actual science (ewwww, ahhhhh) that putting healthy things into the body results in better output. All systems just function better! Heck yeah, that's what I'm talking about. And hey, if we're really being honest here and my jeans happen to sit just right on my backside, then I'm not going to complain. I'm all for a win/win, people!

Well over the past 6 months or so I haven't even stepped on my scale. Not that I was worried about things, I just figured I'd do what most "fit" enthusiasts suggest: to gauge my progress or regress based on how my clothes fit.

I think you can see where this is heading.

I have been working my non-literal butt off for the past 6 months. This is another one of my problems...I'm ready to start working my literal butt off. Why isn't this thing just melting away into that perfect toddler butt that I've worked so hard for? I have been putting in a good 10-15 hours/week of hard core physical, sweat dripping, heavy breathing, muscle burning activities per week. Including but not limited to a variety of cardio, weight training, plyos and swimming. I had a goal of wanting to be lean....lean and cut. And maybe, just maybe take on some sort of competition. But I wanted most of all to be healthy. And I figured, if I'm lucky my inside health would be outwardly evidenced by becoming lean and cut. Read: not big and bulky, which is where I feel I normally end up.

***!!!!WARNING!!!! Soapbox ahead!!! Scroll ahead if opposed to soapboxes!***
For the thousands of trainers who say that women cannot physically put on mass because it's not in our "genetic makeup" I'd like to slap you across the back of the head with my breadstick...and break your scale. Women absolutely CAN and most definitely WILL add mass to their frame if they eat incorrectly! You will never see a muscle's definition if there is a layer (or two, or six) of fat covering it! Everyone has muscles. Everyone has the ability to show em off, but you can't show off a beautiful flower arrangement with a down comforter thrown over it. (Yeah, that's all I could come up with, but you catch my drift, right?)

If you are eating the same amount of calories and start weight training then yes, eventually you will see results because you are working with a net loss of calories than you were working with prior to weight training. If you cut calories, then you'll see faster results. However, if you are of the mindset that since you're working out that you get to eat MORE, more than you were eating prior to weight training, I've got news for will NOT see results. Well, that's a lie. You will see results, you'll see that ugly little number on the scale go up, up, up. And your pants will get tight, tight, tight. Because now you're building muscle but replacing the calorie deficit with more calories. Thus you're just padding up the down comforter and not allowing that beautiful flower arrangement to shine through! Or you're adding more and more flowers to the arrangement, but you're just making the comforter poof out more because the problem is the comforter, not the flowers. Is this making any sense? The little image in my head makes perfect sense! I invite you to come inside and check it out!

And yes, I understand that building muscle increases metabolism and uses more energy for longer, thus burning more calories. I get that. My point is that yes, women CAN add mass. And they do it by weight training and NOT eating right. Eat clean instead of downing a whole pizza, and your muscles will repay you by eating away at the fat around them and showing off their sculptured beauty that you so worked hard for!

*** Breath***End of Soapbox***

Thank you for listening. You may now remove your fingers from your ears.

Now, where was I? Oh yes, my non-literal butt...

So I work out hard each week, and (news flash!) it is true, I like to eat. (Evidenced by my last 500 blogs all dedicated to the subject of food!) This is where my problem starts because I don't always choose the carrot sticks over a handful of m-n-m's. The person who sneaked into my house and broke my scale, I believe, also increased the temperature of my dryer. My jeans now feel a bit tighter in my thighs and my literal butt, which should not be happening if I'm replacing fat with muscle. Muscle, although weighing more than fat, takes up a LOT less room. So, clothes should be fitting better, not tighter. Sigh.

My impressive deductive reasoning skills tell me that if I'm working my non-literal butt off every day and I'm seeing an increase on the scale AND in my jeans then the obvious problem is with my m-n-m habit.

Which makes me people actually have "habits" with good carrot sticks? Like raw broccoli? "Oh Jen, I can't go out with you tonight, I overindulged in my crudite platter again!" Does that happen? Do those people feel bad about the overindulgence? Or do they feel great? Or do they just feel gassy?

Most of my meals are, as I categorize them, "decent". I usually start off well in the morning. Lunch is iffy. Dinner is usually good. Snacks are terrible. I have always refused to keep a food journal because I guess it's like people who don't go to the doctor because they don't want to hear the bad news. Yeah, that's me. I don't want to see it written down that I ate 12 malted milk Easter eggs throughout the day. (Man, grabbing two at a time adds up!) I know I'm not perfect and I just don't feel like seeing my imperfections written out on paper. It's sooooo, sooooo school like! I know my journal will be marked up with red pen. I won't get an A at the top of my paper and that will make me feel like a failure. And lately, feeling like a failure is just not something I want to feel like!

But I think that may be just what I need. Maybe, just maybe it's time to face the facts. Even if those facts are marked up with a red pen each day showing me how I am failing my plans for health and God's desires for a holy temple. Even though I work my non-literal butt off, if I really want to work my literal butt off, maybe I should take the advice of the 911 operator, put the twinkie down and walk away.

I encourage you to keep a food journal. If you don't want to, then that should be your first sign that you're not living optimally to be the best you that you can be! And if that doesn't motivate you, then how about better sleep, more energy, better brain functions, heart functions, reproductive, respiratory, get the point. The payoffs could literally be life saving. Although I'm still not convinced my added 8 pounds is really due to a shift in lunar alignment, I'm vowing to continue working my non-literal AND literal butt off with the help of better food choices and (huff. sigh. groan. eye roll.) start keeping a food journal.

Until next time!

1 comment:

  1. But I don't wanna! (said in my best whiney voice)
    Giving up sugar for Lent (yes, I have cheated) has been a great move for me. I've lost 8 lbs.! Working out, well, that's another story . . .